So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
