I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
