It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
