Taylor Swift is so right about you.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
