it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
