All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think my vagina is haunted
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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