also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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