you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
