a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
that may or may not have been my penis.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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