I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Life is so much better after having sex.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
