I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
