is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
