so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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