One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
