I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
