This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
