Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
pop tarts are not kleenex
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
