haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
