Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
