you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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