Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm always down for nudity.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
