dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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