im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
