He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is it penis luge time yet?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
