I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
