This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
even my farts smell like vagina
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
