It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
