The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
