So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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