dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
