Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
