We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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