the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
