Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
