the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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