we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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