She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
