i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
