I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
