Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
