Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
