weddingsv make me drug and hornr
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
