I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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