What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
