Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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