When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
