Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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