i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They took my balls.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
