I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
