I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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